Misconception
by yellowmile
Summary: Two misunderstandings. Two very stubborn people. One passionate and spontaneous moment.


**Misconception**

.

"I love you."

Three simple words. Three simple words that I was waiting for him to say for so long. We were lying on his bed and I was facing him while his eyes were planted on the ceiling. He always hid his emotions like this. Sometimes it was so hard to know what he was feeling, as if I were talking to a brick wall.

And that's exactly what he was doing now. I thought I was supposed to feel amazing and full of joy after he told me. But I only feel heavy and full of emotions that are ready to burst out of its steel gate any minute.

"How long?" I asked in a shaky voice, my gaze lowering to his comforter.

"A while."

Again, his answer is so monotone and so vague. I was surprised I even heard him speak. I didn't know how I was supposed to respond to that.

"Why now?"

"It felt like the right time."

What exactly does that mean? I felt like pulling my hair and gritting my teeth at the frustration he was causing. He was still looking up at the ceiling and his face was expressionless.

"I don't know what to say…."

"You don't have to say anything."

"Why are you being like this?"

"Being like what?"

"Stop it, Eli!"

The room went silent afterwards and I just wanted to leave. This was not what I expected how Eli would tell me he loved me. Heck, this was completely opposite to what I had in mind. I felt cold all of the sudden, and a little uncomfortable by the atmosphere.

"Do you?"

I couldn't respond at the moment. I sat up and clasped my hands together before placing them on my lap. I felt Eli sit up as well but I didn't want to face him; everything was too much to handle.

"This was not how I expected it," I whispered.

"I get it, Clare."

"No! You don't!"

I turned around and looked in his forest green eyes. They were glassy and wide; something I've never seen in them before.

"I already got my answer."

He grumbled off the bed and I stared at him dumbfounded before I started to fume.

"Got _your_ answer? What about mine?" I jumped off the bed after him. "Why are you doing this?"

He turned around sharply and his lips were pressed in a tight line as his steel cold eyes bored into mine.

"I didn't want to tell you because I knew you'd react this way," he whispered calmly.

"What are you talking about?" I asked, flustered and confused.

He wasn't making any sense and everything was becoming more and more frustrating by the minute. I was about to burst soon.

"You don't feel the same way. I thought it would be easier if I could just tell you like this….that way things would be less…painful," he lifted his head as if he were defeated.

I looked at him in shock. All of this because he thought I didn't feel the same way! We were so messed up.

"I never said I didn't. You made it sound like you didn't! You're shutting me out and I don't like it!" I yelled.

"I am not," he said stubbornly.

"_Yes, _you are. If you didn't mean what you said, I'd rather you not say it at all," I said, my voice cracking and on the verge of tears.

Eli looked absolutely baffled and I just wanted to crawl under a rock.

"I meant every single word I said. I love you, Clare. So much. You don't know how hard it was for me to say those words. Knowing, that you may not return them in return, scares the shit out of me. And now I know you don't - even though I tried to do this as easy as possible, it still hurts. But I can't change how you feel," he grabbed my hands and I slowly looked up at him. "I'll always love you."

It took the salty tear to run down my cheek to realize I was crying. I felt my heart swell at his words and the familiar butterflies I felt every time I was with him were kicked into overdrive as he looked at me with a loving gaze.

Eli smiled softly at me and I smiled in return before grabbing his neck and pressing my lips over his. Eli grabbed onto me as our lips moved in sync in a fast and passionate kiss.

"I…I love you, Eli," I breathed in between kisses, my forehead pressing against his. I opened my eyes to stare into his. "I've always loved you."

He smiled a wide, genuine smile, that made my heart beat pound frantically in my chest. He lifted me up in the air and I wrapped my legs around him as I buried my face in his shoulder, smiling like a fool.

"You don't know how glad I am that you said that," he whispered in the crook of my neck.

I pulled my head back and wrapped my arms securely around his neck, staring at him with determination and confidence.

"Then show me," I took in a deep breath. "Show me how much you love me."

Eli looked at me quizzically before realization dawned on him and his hold on me slackened.

"W-What?"

"You heard me," I pulled him into a chaste kiss before giving him a warm smile. "Bring me to the bed."

Eli slowly obliged and gently placed me down on the bed. But in a flash, I pushed down on his shoulders and I crawled on top of him, straddling his waist. His face was still full of shock but I ignored it and fixed my gaze on my purity ring.

I made the promise 6 years ago and didn't feel any guilt for giving it up right at this moment. Because when I looked into the eyes of the boy who is in love with me and I with him, there is nothing to wait for.

This decision may be considered spontaneous and reckless, but I just don't give a damn.

I slid the finger off and placed it on Eli's night table before peeling off my shirt and tossing it on the floor. I blushed when Eli's eyes widened and zeroed in on my breasts. I couldn't blame him, he was a guy after all.

I leaned down and kissed him again and the rest all became a blur as I took off the rest of my clothes and helped him with his because before I knew it, we were both completely naked. I was gasping for breath as Eli was peppering my body with his feather light kisses that were making my sensitive skin tingle.

Eli looked at me before retrieving a condom and looked at me again after putting it on. There was uncertainty and hesitance in his eyes and I knew he was scared. Scared I would regret this. He needed to know there was nothing to be scared of.

I stroked his cheek with my fingers and gave him a sweet kiss before nodding my head softly.

He entered me slowly and I let out a scream in sheer pain, clinging to his body while I squeezed my eyes shut. From what I heard from many different sources, it was painful the first time but I didn't think it would be _this bad. _Eli looked at me with sorrowful eyes as he refrained from moving.

Tears sprung from my eyes but I motioned him to continue. And he did. And it was still painful. But I did feel this connection with him. One that was only made for the two of us, and being this close to him, made our relationship more alive, as if we were feeling the same things together.

It was overwhelming.

Eli moved slowly and each time I would wince in pain, but I could tell he was feeling the pleasure, for every time he would plunge deeper, a groan would escape his lips. And when he was coming to a close, I felt a small sting of pleasure rip through me that made me arch into him, which sent him shattering and shaking violently before he retracted from me but still held onto me.

He was shaking still and his breaths were coming in gasps as his head rested on my chest and my hands tangled in his hair, cradling him against me.

After a few moments of silence, he finally said something:

"Why now?"

I smiled softly at the same words not too long before.

"I guess… It felt like the right time."

.

**Ha... Depression can make you come up with the strangest things... Anyways, whoever reads my other stories, they will be updated this weekend. Thank you for reading!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Degrassi.  
><strong>


End file.
